Lately, I have felt my life, or rather my journey to a more fulfilled life, has hit some kind of blockage. I have experienced a lot of emotional trauma over the years and have tried to find ways to successfully dig a way back to myself and on towards progress. Everywhere I turn, right now, there are notes, videos, reminders of a path I keep resisting. Today, once again, I discover myself in the woods needing to choose which path to travel. A wonderful colleague, Dr. Jody Carrington, guided me towards considering a choice that keeps relentlessly presenting itself. Although I was a week behind in watching her Facebook Live video, her topic was one on forgiveness. A topic I keep avoiding, while I clutch desperately to the resentments in my life. Is this why I am stalled? Why I don’t move forward?
Wow! Forgiveness seems like such an easy thing to do but, unfortunately, I think it is the easiest to avoid. Forgiveness, they say, is more about you than the person you’re directing it to. If you can’t forgive then you will stay stuck. I don’t want to stay stuck.
There are a few things that help me sort through this process of “forgiveness”. Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. The offenders still need to be held accountable for their actions or lack of actions. Forgiveness is not letting the offense recur again and again. We don’t have to keep ourselves open to tolerate lack of respect or abuse of any kind. Forgiveness is not based on others actions but rather our attitude. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness is a process, not an event.
Well, thank God for that! It is a process, not an event. Now I know that I can and need to allow myself some time to work through this maze of forgiveness. Louise Hay made a valid point on forgiving yourself and others. She said, “You can never be free of bitterness as long as you continue to think unforgiving thoughts. How can you be happy in this moment if you continue to choose to be angry and resentful? Thoughts of bitterness can’t create joy. No matter how justified you feel you are, no matter what “they” did, if you insist on holding on to the past, then you will never be free. Forgiving yourself and others will release you from the prison of the past.”
Kate Maree O’Brien said that to begin to forgive we must learn to “understand”. “We need to stop and look through the eyes of that person and see how they are seeing the world. How did they see the world, at that time, for them to have that viewpoint that they had, for them to do the actions they did, for them to be the way they showed up in that moment? If we can understand that they are doing the best with what they have, we can make change in this world.”
So, it looks like I have chosen the path less traveled. I suspect my journey to be long but I am willing to change and by that I choose to change my thoughts. I will choose to work on releasing my resentments, so I can open up more room to love. I will make slow steps towards looking from my offender’s viewpoint, so I can rid my mind of resentments and hopefully make a change in my world.
Louise Hay Exercise on Forgiveness:
Do this exercise with a partner if you can, or do it out loud if you are alone.
Again, sit quietly with your eyes closed and say, “The person I need to forgive is _________ and I forgive you for _________.
Do this over and over. You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for. If you have a partner, let him say to you, “Thankyou, I set you free now.” If you do not, then imagine the person you are forgiving saying it to you. Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Search your heart for the injustices you still carry. Then let them go.
When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to yourself. Say out loud to yourself, “I forgive myself for _____.” Do this for another five minutes or so. These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week to clear out any remaining rubbish. Some experiences are easy to let go and some wee have to chip away at, until suddenly one day they let go and dissolve.
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